Okay, this is not a pretty picture filled, DIY or sharing something pretty with you post. This is a "talkie" post. LOL
Before I start blabbering on I want to say a big Thank You to those of you that have been right there along with me and being so supportive while I get my home life together!
I never thought I could get strength and motivation from people I haven't met in real life. But, so many of you feel like real friends that I have known for years! And your encouragement has really helped keep me positive! It means so much to me. There are days that I go back and reread your comments and it gives me that little extra push. So Thank you so much!!
As you know, I have been delving into our bedroom clutter and mess. I have been trying to declutter and make it a more inviting place that I want to spend time in. And it has been going great! I am enjoying the changes and how lightened up it has become with just a few new touches here and there and reclaiming areas that were just lost in clutter.
One area I was REALLY dreading was an area filled with paperwork. Boxes of paperwork! Not only was this going to be physically painful because boxes filled with paperwork are very heavy and I needed to carry them downstairs but, they were also painful mentally and emotionally.
First of all I need to tell you upfront that I really did not want to write this post. It was so difficult for me. Just like clearing out this toxic area. This clutter of paperwork represents the most painful times of my life. And unfortunately those times were filled with a lot of paperwork (legal stuff). And I did not want to touch this area with a 10 foot pole because I would end up reliving all of it. And that is why it has sat here and accumulated for about 3 years!
Who wants to deal with things that just breaks their heart and takes them back to such ugly memories? No one.
Yup, another REAL LIFE picture. I think I might be the worst example of a blogger in the world! LOL I promise you I will share more pretty pictures in the future!
I was finally ready emotionally to deal with this toxic paperwork once and for all. It took me several days of working at it. I admit, I could only deal with it for short periods of time but, I didn't give up. It just took a little bit longer than it should.
The pure emotional weight of these constant toxic reminders of pain was finally leaving my home. There were definitely moments during this clean up that I just sat down and cried. And oddly enough that was okay. I think I needed to weep for these memories one last time.
I knew I had to plow through this. I had to find the strength to let all of what this paperwork represented to us go. It was not easy.
Getting rid of all the physical representation of these events was hard enough but, I knew I had to also release the emotionally feelings attached to all of it.
And that truly was the hardest part. I had been hanging onto all this negative energy and feelings for such a long time. And that kind of burden gets too overwhelming to continue to carry.
With physical struggle, I managed to go through all this paperwork, eliminate everything that I could and box up the remainder and haul it out of my home and into storage. But, the emotional and mental part still remained and left me with one option. Prayer.
And that's what I did. I needed to let go of these horrible and painful feelings. I needed to open my heart and give it all over to God. They were just toxic weight and I needed to lighten my heart and move on.
God gave me guidance and inspiration through Matthew.
Matthew 6:14 - For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you
Matthew 11:28-30 - Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
It's not easy to give up something that has been a part of you for so long. Even if it dark and painful. I am ready to give it up. As you will notice I did not say "I was ready". It is still an ongoing thing I am working on. But, each day I feel my heart become lighter. And the pain lessening.
So, why on earth am I sharing this toxic part of my life with you here for the whole world to read?
Because I hope it helps someone else to know you are not alone. We all carry painful memories and burdens. Sometimes you just need that little inspiration to head in the right direction.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, so many of you have helped me with some simple words of encouragement. And it really helped me to keep a positive outlook.
One of the best things to come from the internet is meeting people you would never have the opportunity in every day life to meet. Being able to connect to others that are going through something similar in their lives as I am or feeling the same emotions It gives us a commonality. And I want to help lift up peoples lives. And give back the encouragement I have received.
I hope in some small way this has helped you or inspired you to let go of something that may be toxic in your life. Know you are not alone.
Thank you so much for visiting even when there is nothing pretty to show or talk about. LOL
Have a wonderful day!