Thrifty? On what planet?

Okay, is it just me or do people in the magazine world really not understand the terms thrifty or frugal? Seriously, have you looked at some of the magazines lately. They are all jumping on the "time to tighten our belts" bandwagon. However, apparently their bandwagon is a much more expensive model than mine!

A magazine comes in the mail. I snatch it up and quickly peruse the cover. Titles like "You too can have a fabulous new wardrobe on a thrifty budget". Woohoo! That's me! That's what I want! Thrifty new clothes! I set the magazine aside because I don't have the time to dedicate to sit and completely learn how to get my new wardrobe. Besides, I need to get a pen and paper and have it ready to jot down details. I want to enjoy this moment. Savor the fact that I am going to be soon showing off my wonderful new outfits and telling friends and family that yes, I got it for pennies on the dollar! I am so excited.

The next day, another magazine comes in. Yippee! Another favorite magazine screaming to me about "Decorating my home for under $35.00". Oh yes, my home needs a $35.00 fab makeover! I can't wait to delve into the redecorating mode right after I get my thrifty new wardrobe! This week is going to be so much fun! I lovingly add this magazine to the other magazine, planning a few hours to myself, iced tea at the ready. No husband or little one to disturb me. Just me and my fabulous frugaliness. Life is good!

The day is here! The hubby and princess have gone out for a few hours. The laundry is done. The dusting is done and I have just made a fresh jug of iced tea. Pouring myself the tea, grabbing the magazines I head out to the patio. I even pluck a fresh mint leave from my herbs and plop it into my drink. The patio table is sparkling clean, it wouldn't do to get my money saving magazines dirty!

Decisions, decisions. Which magazine to read first? Wardrobe? Home redo? Hummm. I decide to go in order of magazine received. These are important details you know!

So, I start to read. Of course they save this juicy wardrobe information until almost the end of the magazine. But, I am patient. I slowly read my way through the magazine. Then it happens! I turn the page and the gleaming words "Bargains!", "Deals","Thrift Stores", "Outlet Stores" "Can you believe it?" Jump off the page at me! This is going to be so awesome! I start to read. Yaya, yada..."We gave our fashion expert $300.00...". Whoa! $300.00? Hum, maybe she is buying a complete year round wardrobe. Okay, I'm reading again. I glance at the fashion expert modeling her finds. It shows her in 3 different, somewhat boring outfits. I flip the page to look for the rest of the pictures. Weird. No more pictures. I wonder why they didn't show everything she bought? Oh well, I will just read about all the bargains. "And this fantastic black skirt with cute white top bought at a local thrift store was only $93.00!! Our Fashion expert was able to grab the beautiful scarf for another $7.00 to round out her outfit at only $100.00!" Iced tea spews out of my nose covering the pages. $100.00 for a skirt, top and scarf at a thrift store?! This has got to be a typo! Reading on, the thrifty-challenged fashion expert was able to purchase a lovely jacket and cute pair of sandals at the outlet store for only another $100.00 to stretch the look of the thrift store finds.

I just sit there, stunned, disappointed, confused and let down. I cannot read any more. Maybe I should check the information page and find out what planet this magazine is written from. I toss the magazine aside.

I take some deep cleansing breathes. Calm myself down and gently pick up the other magazine. Okay, since there will be no new thrifty wardrobe, at least I can spruce up my home for under $35.00.

This time, I go straight to the article. No more dillydallying for me! I open it to the right page. There in a 2 page layout is a lovely room. Ahhh, I can breath again. I admire the room and the pretty accents. I start to read. My second biggest reading mistake of the day. I obviously misread the title of the article. Because apparently, I can add this small frame for $27.00 to change the look of my room! Oh, wait! I could add this lovely glass vase for $32.00 and totally change the look of my room! But wait, there is more. I could buy this small round pillow and not even recognize the room once I added it for the low low price of only $34.00!

I am starting to think the "Expert Decorating Person" went shopping with "Expert Fashion Person" for bargains on planet "CLUELESS" (I think it is somewhere between Saturn and Jupiter)!

So, to get a good image of the way I looked, just think back to the scene from "A Christmas Story" when Ralphie is geeked out of his mind because he finally got his secret decoder ring and races to the bathroom and diligently works out the secret code only to find out it is an ad for Ovaltine. Yup, that was me.

So, has anyone read any good books lately?





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